Monday, March 31, 2008

starting over

This has been a challenging year for me...perhaps the depressing nature of many of my blogs makes this evident. However, I cannot begin to express the lessons I have learned as a result of the trials and changes. The problem is that because it has been a hard year, I sometimes think this school year has to come to an end before things will start to improve.

This weekend I went to Portland and it was a time or relaxation, craziness, and fun. Basically, it was everything I've been needing. And while I was in Portland I realized that somewhere along the road, I stopped living and began to do nothing more than exist. I suppose that hurt, stress, and exhaustion might make it easy for one to find it difficult to just make it through the day but oh how much I miss when this becomes my reality. I've been a rut that I desperately need to climb out of.

Yesterday, I had the realization that this rut is choice that I must refuse to choose. There are aspects of my life that are beyond my control. There are still difficult things that I will experience...there always be. But what a wonderful time in my life that my choice to exist has blinded me from. I am so thankful for good friends, good times, and the chance to start over at any point. Hello, new life...I'm so excited to LIVE you.

3 comments:

katie said...

yay for portland!! changed my life... forever =) hahaha

Andrea said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Andrea said...

I don't know all of the things you are going through, and I can guarantee that I haven't had to deal with some of them. But I know how you feel when you speak about not really "living" but just "existing." I have been there many times and it's easy to fall back into. But I've realized that it's all in your attitude. You are young! So what if life isn't figured out yet and everything's a mess. Join the club! Have some fun.