Adventures in Underwear

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For a while, Seattle was actually colder than St. Petersburg but I think we are doing our part over here to catch up with you Seattleites. This morning I woke up to more snow on the ground and a temperature of -14 degrees Celsius....which is somewhere around 7 degrees Fahrenheit. Brrr. That's chilly. My students love to tell me that it's only going to get colder. I tell them to shut up. (Okay...I only think about telling them to shut up...)

My friend Arina and I have gotten into the routine of running on Tuesday evenings together. It is nice to run with someone because on days you normally would wimp out if you were going by yourself; you have someone there to tell you to suck it up. Today was my day for wanting to wimp out. I tried twice to convince her that today probably wasn't the best day to go running. The first time I texted her and told her my face would be cold (wussy excuse, I know.) She told me she had cream for that. Dangit. Then I reminded her it was really, pretty chilly out there. She said she was aware of this and that she would see me in fifteen minutes. Man, those Russians are tough.

So I sucked it up the best I could and we went for our weekly run. Once I had warmed up enough to feel my fingers and my vision was no longer blurry, I really was glad for her persistence. I got to experience snot freezing in my nose for the first time. It was an odd and disgusting sensation. But that is beside the point.

As we were running, Arina asked if I was cold and I told her the only parts of my body that were cold were my nose and my thighs. She said I needed to wear warmer clothes and to this I replied that I was wearing long underwear under my workout pants. She looked at me kind of funny and then went on to tell me that she was wearing underwear too, but she also had tights on underneath her pants. I lost it.

Sometimes language/cultural barriers can be frustrating. Sometimes they can be downright funny. "Long underwear" meant nothing to my Russian friend. To Arina, it simply seemed like I had decided to wear underwear for our run and was randomly telling her about it. I explained the meaning of this mysterious long underwear and we had a pretty good laugh about it. I still smile when I think about it. But in addition to giving me a good laugh, I also had a moment where life...this crazy Russian life I am currently living... felt incredibly comfortable and normal. I've missed that feeling of comfort and normalcy but I've done a better job this week of embracing and appreciating all that life overseas entails. Sometimes life here is hilarious. Sometimes it is difficult. Sometimes it is downright ridiculous. And sometimes, on long runs with snot freezing in your nose, laughing with a not-so-brandnew-friend...it just feels like home.

Samuel

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"...I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing."

2 Samuel 24: 24

Ice Skating

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My roommates and I went ice skating with some of my students and we had a blast. I cannot skate to save my life but I made it around the rink mulitiple times with the help of my new friends and I even skated a bit on my own (always keeping the wall at an arms length though.) Next time I'll be a little more daring...the center of the rink awaits me! It really was a great night :-)

What a difference...four days can make...

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This week began with tears. You see, every Monday evening I have my Russian lesson which I absolutely dread. I don’t know exactly why I dread it. My teacher is kind, patient, and very sweet. But Russian is hard and I hate feeling stupid, which is exactly how I feel during 95% of my lesson. Currently I’m working on word endings using present tense verbs. For one of my practice sentences I wrote, “I don’t want to study.” It was a joke, okay? I wasn’t serious…well…not completely serious. At first when my teacher read this, she laughed. Then she said, “Elizabet, pacheemoo(why)? Pacheemoo, Elizabet!?” I told her that Russian is hard and she responded by saying that I’m only on the third lesson. What she meant was “ of course it is hard…you’ve only just begun.” What I heard in my already emotional, overly sensitive head was, “you idiot. You’re only on the third lesson and this is hard for you?!” So I cried. I just burst right into tears in my living room in front of my Russian teacher.

Low point.

She tried to change the subject and get my mind off Russian so I would stop crying so she started talking about how it must be hard being so far away from my family and friends. It was a noble effort but if she wanted me to stop crying, that was definitely not the thing to say. More tears.

So suffice it to say, the week did not start off in the best of ways. Ever since returning from our Thanksgiving adventure in Estonia, I’ve struggled with feeling homesick and inadequate. I hate to admit it, but in the past couple of weeks I’ve thought on multiple occasions, “what on earth am I doing in Russia?”
Then last night I was emailing with my best friend, Katie and we were sharing the latest happenings in our lives. She is preparing for her own big adventure… studying abroad in Australia for a semester. I remember what I was feeling as I was preparing to come to Russia…excitement, uncertainty, anxiety and more excitement.

This morning I was thinking about this some more and I realized I have forgotten why I am here. My excitement has been replaced with discontentment; I’ve traded joy for apathy, and gratitude for longing.
I am in Russia! Let me say it again, I am in Russia!! In difficulty and loneliness, I have forgotten the answered prayers and gift God has given me in the opportunity to be here. I have forgotten the love he has given me for these wonderful and sometimes difficult people. I have neglected to see the beauty in each day. God, forgive me for treating your gift like a burden.

So as the holidays present many opportunities for me to long for home and miss my family and friends, I will choose instead to focus not on what I am missing, but what I’ve been given. I will love my new home and be thankful for my own little Russian family and friends. This year not only have I been given the gift of a savior, but also the opportunity to share the hope He brings with group of people that live in hopelessness. I’d say Christmas of 2009 has the potential to be the best one yet….

Thanks to Russia...

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Thanks to Russia I now have a new and/or greater appreciation for the following:

1. English speakers
2. Cottage cheese
3. Red fingernail polish
4. Boots
5. Personal space
6. Lines...and the ability of people to wait in them
7. Tea
8. Skype
9. No smoking laws
10. Daylight
11. Toilet paper
12. Free water at restaurants
13. High heels
14. Laxatives
15. Fur lined hoods

and they will call him Immanuel...

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“…and they will call him Immanuel- which means, ‘God with us’” Matthew 1:23

It sneaks up on me in the quiet moments. It finds me on sleepless nights. It waits for me in holiday celebrations. These are the moments when loneliness abounds.

Sometimes I wonder why God first brought me to Ukraine. I wonder why it was my heart he decided to shatter and my plans he chose to change. My experience transformed me and broke me and made me feel slightly separated from those I know and love. Out of fear and insecurity, I’ve asked God to change his mind, let me forget, and choose someone else. And yet, two and a half years later the memories are still vivid, the ache remains, and my plans have clearly been altered.

In the process I’ve realized obedience does not ensure a mended heart. For as I’ve moved to the part of the world my heart was aching for, I’ve left behind the part of the world that has made me who I am. And so, no matter where I am, my heart aches for that place where I am not and I realize I am only understood to a point.

I’ve come to Russia and truly I do love it. I believe whole heartedly that this is where I’m supposed to be and I find joy in that. But some days I just want to feel normal again. I want to ride in a car or read a menu in English. I want to be with my friends or have someone smile at me on the street. I want to be understood. I wonder, if I'll ever feel known again. Will the longing and loneliness ever be completely filled? Why is it that I feel most alone when I am surrounded by the people I’ve come here to love? When will the aching stop?

Tonight as we read the story of Christ’s birth in our Bible study, I heard but one verse: ““…and they will call him Immanuel- which means, ‘God with us’” Why I suddenly feel weak and stricken with thoughts of home, I do not know. But for some reason, tonight just feels harder than most. So as my heart is aching and longing for those I love and miss, I will cling to Immanuel, for God has come to us. In our trials, He is with us. Through our fears, He is with us. In the midst of our questions and confusion, He is with us. When we feel alone and struggle to fit in, He is with us. When we long for just one person to understand and we come up empty, He is with us. Thank God, He is with us.

Thoughts?

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From the first moment I heard this song it has made me think. I find myself thinking specifically of the last line. "We're all laughing with God"
Thoughts?