Thursday, June 25, 2009

Who I Am

"I don't know who I am-who I am without you
All I know is that I should"

Life has changed. Life is changing. Life is about to change. And in the midst of it all, I find myself wondering who I'll be on the other side of this change. Russia is no longer a distant is soon to be a reality. I've found the lyrics of Missy Higgin's "Where I Stood" song floating through my thoughts over the past few days. I first heard this as a "break-up" song but the above lyrics ring especially true to me right now.

My biggest fear/concern/sadness about moving to Russia is the fact that while I am gaining a beautiful new experience, I am leaving behind the people whom I love the most.

What will I do without my mom to tell me everything will be okay? Who understands me like Katie? Who will tell me I'm ridiculous like Jamie? Who will have the answers to random questions like my Dad? What will I do when I feel lost, hopeless, discouraged, or afraid?

I've been so blessed to have family and friends that can lift my spirits, comfort me in sadness, encourage me in disappointment, and ease my fears. And yet I know I'm being asked to loosen my grip, let them go, and say goodbye (at least for a little while). And while there are times when the thought of this terrifies me, the truth is I think I'm ready.

I've always had a safety net-a group of people who would catch me when I fell, help me avoid making mistakes, and aid in picking up the pieces when I made them anyway. But now it's time for me to trust myself, or rather, to trust God's leading in my life. He has called me into this new chapter alone and I don't doubt there is a purpose behind that. It is time I learn to fully care for my own decisions, emotions, and opportunities. It is time to trust that I really am strong enough, wise enough, and brave enough. And it is time to experience firsthand that God is all of these things...even when I am not. I do not fully know who I am. But I believe these changes will bring me one step closer to finding out.

"I don't know who I am-who I am without you All I know is that I should"


Mom said...

I think that we are all about to learn that God is enough...enough for all of the changes and then some. I'm excited for you! Mom

katie said...

I feel the same way. Its scary and freeing at the same time. Our trips will bring us new memories to share a year from now. And we'll have hours upon hours of catching up to do.

I love you.

andrea said...

You better blog in Russia!